15 Reasons Why You Know When You’ve Been Out Of Work Too Long

Taking the daily train from jobworthy to suckworthy. Image source: dannychoo.com.

I haven’t worked in a while – at least at a regular paying job. In fact, I haven’t worked a steady gig in almost 8 months! That’s more than twice as long as any of my previous career gaps.

You know, I scan the job boards daily, chat with recruiters weekly, solicit my LinkedIn network accordingly, apply for every job that I fulfill requirements for (and then some), tweak my resume periodically and…nothing.

The phone just isn’t ringing.

Well, take that back. It rang once in January and resulted in two interviews – an initial phone screen followed by a face-to-face. But as the times appear to be dictating, the division I might have worked for was closed down last week, the victim of a massive budget cut.

> Sigh… <

I imagine many others with my skills, education and background are feeling the same way I do after untold hours of frustration and fruitless effort. Or are they?

I’ll let you decide for yourself. Listed below are fifteen reasons why “you know when you’ve been out of work too long when…”:

You’ve already forgotten how to set your alarm clock since, frankly, you haven’t had a reason to use it in a while.
You occasionally used to, but now you perpetually forget just what day of the week it is.
You know a commute to be something a lame duck president gives his convicted cronies.
You can go hiking any time you want to.
You can drink wine with your breakfast.
You have allowed yourself to acquiesce from delectable soul food to shoe-leather-tough sole food.
You’ve seen all the free movies offered by Comcast On Demand – even the ones you swore you would never watch, like those sloven, puerile comedies featuring Larry the Cable Guy.
The frequency of creditor calls is inversely proportional to your desire to communicate with anyone.
You should be going stir-crazy – that is, if you could just summon up the emotional energy.
Depression isn’t a prolonged economic meltdown – it’s the new four-letter word. Well, two words, really: “depression” used as a four-letter word – in any context – justifiably requires its own invective adjective.
You’re sleeping a lot more than you did when you were working – but you’re still hopelessly lethargic.
You’d love to be with your friends, but you know your own sense of generosity now gets you into trouble – and dang it, doing fun things with friends – those you still have – costs money.
You only check the mailbox once every two weeks – for that unemployment check. So you can still eat. And have Internet.
You forget whether you’re wearing pants or not, and you plain just don’t care.
You start to identify with Larry the Cable Guy.

Larry the Cable Guy? Sheesh… It’s clear that I’ve been out of work wa-a-a-y too long. But I know I am a productive – possibly even influential – member of society. (I still am, right? Or can be again? Pretty please??)

Clearly it’s time to git ‘er done – just as soon as I relearn how to set my alarm clock.

~winehiker

This entry was posted on Monday, March 23rd, 2009 at 12:57 pm and is filed under grape squeezins. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

23 Responses to “15 Reasons Why You Know When You’ve Been Out Of Work Too Long”

Bradley
March 23rd, 2009 13:12
1

Thanks for the giggle. Well-written and poignant.
You could also add: You begin to suspect the people who are employed full time are “missing out” and should be regarded suspiciously as “un-whole” persons. Contempt for their forms follows.
winehiker
March 23rd, 2009 13:15
2

Brad, you’re suspiciously poignant yourself! Great to hear from you my winehiking friend.
El Jefe
March 23rd, 2009 17:31
3

Yes, Virginia, there is a Winehiker! Probably could add #16: You have time to make lists… this too shall pass. take care.
Oenophilus
March 23rd, 2009 17:58
4

Wait. I used to know a Blogger/Twino named Winehiker…. ;^ )
winehiker
March 23rd, 2009 18:16
5

Hey Jefe, who you callin’ “Virginia”? List me as Shirley, goldurnit! And, seems like only a year ago I knew a Twino (careful about that last letter) named Oenophilus, too.

Thanks, you guys, for comin’ round.

——
Geez, my reCaptcha program, in order to allow my comments just now, is prompting me to key in “75-ton Signorita”. Man, that’s heavy.
The Wine Brat
March 23rd, 2009 18:26
6

Truer truths have never been truthed there Russ!
Alarm? What? Daylight? huh?

Glad to see you have crawled back out of the den of inequity in time to give me a Monday giggle!

now which is worse:
Wanted: Temporary Storm Trooper. Must be able to lift Jabba the Hut

OR

Pizza impersonator wanted. Those with lactose intolerance need not apply.

Yeah.
winehiker
March 23rd, 2009 18:36
7

Wine Brat, there is iron in your words. Or is it sulfur? Either way, that’s rich. More rich than I am! You made my Monday too.
Art Predator
March 23rd, 2009 20:33
8

here’s another one: you can;t blame work for not having enough time to blog (or clean house!)
Marshall from WineQ
March 24th, 2009 00:06
9

Wow! Do you have a hidden camera in my house? Most of that applies to self-employed too! Ah, the life of a start-up…
chuck
March 24th, 2009 08:40
10

You know that it’s really getting bad when you start looking forward to what Dr. Phil has on in the afternoon!!!
winehiker
March 24th, 2009 10:12
11

Marshall: Yes I do! (Wondered where I put that thing.)

Chuck: Gack!!!! That’s *really* bad. Thank goodness you and I both know that hiking is true (two-legged) therapy. Come to think of it – see you yonder!
Angela
March 25th, 2009 18:54
12

Hiking and wine?! You’ve got to be kidding me! Two of my all-time favorite things. If you also love Jane Austen and Indian food, I’ll freak out!
I can’t wait to come back and peruse your fascinating blog…
winehiker
March 25th, 2009 19:28
13

Real good of you to add to the conversation here, Angela. Well, I can’t say I love Jane Austen – more of a lukewarm like with sprigs of sentimentality tossed in – but as for Indian food, I’ve been to India and have enjoyed the real thing.

Welcome to Winehiker Witiculture! C’mon back any time.
Angela
March 25th, 2009 19:54
14

I knew that one was a longshot! Indian food in India sounds great. We just had vegetarian Afghani food for the first time- a bit like Indian, but different spices. It was delicious.
winehiker
March 25th, 2009 19:58
15

And I was hired last Friday night to present a five-course Moroccan dinner for a foursome of friends in San Jose. I dubbed it a “Mo’ Rockin’ Dinner”. It was a lot of knife work and slow cooking. At least everybody lived!
Angela
March 25th, 2009 22:00
16

That sounds delicious.
I didn’t mean to sound like some creep trolling for a date, I’m just very enthusiastic about wine and hiking…
David J
March 25th, 2009 22:34
17

You *might* adjust to this twilight life, grasshopper…tho yr former existence will continue to bite you in the butt at the worst possible time– think you cd find a cheap fare, make a truce with the Catholic church, & hike part of the Arles leg of el Camino de Santiago with me? I’ll be sailing across the Atlantic end of April, hope I’m not denied entry into the EU without a return flight…
winehiker
March 26th, 2009 19:11
18

Angela, truth be told, I find your comments entertaining and valuable. Keep ‘em coming! (Plus, I love your enthusiasm!)

David, I’m pretty sure I won’t be venturing too far from home in the foreseeable future. Job search and tour schedules being what they are, it’s California wine country or bust, my friend. Nevertheless, I am so glad you asked.
Angela
March 26th, 2009 20:06
19

Thanks for the welcome.
I wish I could go on the Camino de Santiago! That’s been on my dream trip list for about…15 years? But it’s a long list… Have a spectacular trip, David.
Jim
April 2nd, 2009 12:23
20

The worst part is not even getting interviews at all.

Oh well. When in doubt, add more wine!
car hire south africa
April 8th, 2009 12:44
21

Wine and hiking, well when you start to rake in some cash, you have to visit South Africa, we are experts in drinking wine and hiking here!
David J
April 8th, 2009 13:27
22

(–greetings from Maipú, ARG!)
About the Camino: one of my enduring inspirations to rededicate
to it is the memory of three Spanish guys I shared the week’s 100 mile hike it took to cover the Aragón leg back in ’99: two of them worked in finance, one was a civil servant.
For five years or so they took their yearly (two-week?) vacation
together to walk however much of the route they had strength for that year.
Ten years later, I hope I can at least do a week or two out of
Arles…Namaste, Ultreia!
Erin
April 12th, 2009 09:43
23

WH,
Thanks so much for this post – it was a much-needed laugh as I too am now unemployed (my company laid off ALL of us on 3/24.)
One thing I noticed is that I jump every time my phone rings, and it’s always – ALWAYS – my sister.
No calls for an interview yet, but I often remind myself (as I am talking aloud to myself a lot now since I’m home alone all day) that some company will find me for the catch I am, and the same to you.

Thanks!!!