A wine gadget we wish we had: The Winehiker Hydrator Pouch System

There’s a meme going around the vinosphere. As we approach the holiday season, the Wine Bloggers Of The Earth are busily taxing their creative sensibilities for that next geeky wine gadget that you simply must have. As is the protocol with memes, first you respond to the blogger that tagged you, then you tag the next poor wine-sotted soul. And speaking of wine-sotted, I should have known I’d be tagged by El Jefe, who was tagged originally by Ryan y Gabriella.

What follows is marketing hype for an as-yet-uncreated-but-sorely-needed product I’ve been secretly coveting for 30 years.

When you’re out on the high trail and you want a little something more to slake your thirst without carrying the extra weight of a glass bottle and the fine wine it contains, then try the new Winehiker Hydrator pouch! The Winehiker Hydrator Pouch System is derived from a newly-patented freeze-drying technology that allows winemakers and wine enthusiasts alike to convert their favorite wine, packaged in crystalline form, for later rehydrating on the trail when you want that extra zest out of your wilderness experience!

Use our exclusive patented Winehiker Dehydrator to magically convert your favorite wine into crystalline form. Then, it takes just seconds to prepare it for your day in the woods. Later, just add water (filtered stream water works best) to the Winehiker Pouch, shake gently, and in mere seconds you can enjoy a wine with the same aroma, flavor, mouthfeel, and finish as the original wine in the bottle!

Yes, and you get all that without any degradation in the wine’s Parker score!

The patented Winehiker Hydrator pouch will feature freeze-dried selections of some of the best white and red wine vintages, including fan favorites such as Screaming Eagle, Caymus, Chateau Haut-Brion, and Gaja Costa. Dom Perignon and Krug sparkling wines are not far behind. In fact, you’ll be able to easily add Alka Seltzer for that fine effervescence. No more wishing you were home sipping bubbly when you’re clearly in the sticks. Now you can finally know what true winehiking is all about!

Wineglasses? No problem! The industrious engineers at our Winehiker Labs are busily working with the fine folks at Morpho-Vino to develop a fool-proof wine-glass methodology for the trail.

Just think: with all that extra room you’ll have in your pack, you’ll be able to fit that watermelon you always wanted to tote but couldn’t because of the retribution you knew you’d face from your friends if you didn’t bring the wine they knew you’d bring. Rest assured: now you can bring the equivalent of six cases of wine, and so can your friends! Now, all your winehiking friends get to drink what they want, and all they want.

Winehiker Hydrator Pouch Technology: the Next Revolutionary Breakthrough in Winehiking Geekdom.

AND NOW, I thusly tag Dr. Debs!

*Winehikers are advised not to stray too far from a tested water source. Winehiker Creek Testing Kit sold separately.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 1st, 2007 at 4:31 pm and is filed under grape squeezins. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.